DEMONS 6 aka The Black Cat

(Luigi Cozzi, 1989)



If there was any indication that the horror movie was done for in late 80's Italy, this is it. Luigi Cozzi's tribute to Dario Argento is amusing in its ineptitude, and anything but frightening. Caroline Munroe has a small part in this, but is sadly underutilized.



The story's about an actress named Anne, who has just been given the lead role as Levana, a powerful witch (Levana was obviously inspired by the Three Mothers, Mater Suspiriorum in particular). Unknown to the cast is that Levana is real, and has been awakened from her exile/ slumber/ whatever to wreak havoc on the production and all involved.



The movie has a lot of gross-out moments, and there are copious amounts of slime and other bodily fluids on display here. Cozzi has never been shy with the grue, and it's great to see him resurrect the "exploding stomach" gag that made Contamination semi-bearable. The plot, of course, is full of holes, nonsensical bits, and other unexplained phenomena. I would definitely recommend having a few before popping this in! As previously stated, this was influenced by Dario Argento's work, especially Suspiria. The color scheme is in rich blues and sickly greens, which lend a surprising amount of atmosphere to an otherwise mediocre production.



As with many of the titles on here, this is difficult to track down. You can purchase burnt copies through various websites, but there has never been an official DVD release. Recommended for group viewing.

ABSURD aka HORRIBLE aka Rosso Sangue

(Joe D'Amato, 1981)



"Horrible"...finally, a movie that lives up to its name! This "sequel" to Anthropophagus has only one thing in common with its predecessor: George Eastman running amok. In Absurd, he isn't a crusty-faced cannibal; he's a scientific experiment gone wrong. He has the somewhat improbable ability to regenerate damaged tissue quickly, making him almost invincible. Sounds like a good premise, right? In more capable hands, it could have been a horror classic. In Joe's it's a rich, gooey cheese fondue.



The story was obviously lifted from the first two Halloween movies. It opens with Eastman impaling himself on an iron fence, then being rushed to a hospital. There he recovers astonishingly fast, then proceeds to dispatch a nurse. He makes his way back to the house with the tricky fence, killing anyone he meets along the way. Then he stalks a bedridden girl, her little brother, and the babysitters.



True, the film does have some rather gory and mean-spirited violence, but D'Amato fails to create any real tension or suspense. Instead of surprise scares, we are treated to a nurse getting a drill pushed into her temple for what seems like ten minutes. Most of the killings seem to take as long. The film's shortcomings, however, are what make it so enjoyable. The dialogue and dubbing are hilarious, and the scene with all the parents sitting around and eating spaghetti almost had me in tears! And I will admit, Absurd does have a wonderfully absurd ending. Slow, but entertaining. MYA Communications DVD released this not long ago, so it's easy to obtain. Recommended.



Buy It

THE MURDER SECRET

(Mario Bianchi, 1988)

Oh, Murder Secret, how fair art thou? About as fair as the scrapings from the bottom of a McDonald's garbage bin. This "Fulci Presents" rarity is a treat for fans of stilted acting, predictable though nonsensical stories, and necrophilia. Yup, I said it. There's bad acting in this.

The story is simple: as a boy, Richard Hamilton visits his crazy aunt in an institution. Then his mother kills herself; just why, we never learn. Now Richie is all grown up and has a family of his own. They receive an invitation from Aunt Martha to come stay at her country house for a while, even though no one has heard from her for years. Of course they go! There they meet Thomas "The Caretaker", who informs them that Martha has not yet arrived but said to make themselves comfortable. He also tells them to stay out of the basement. You know where this is goin!

The story, or rough facsimile thereof, moves at a snail's pace. There are far too many false scares and some of the "spooky" scenes seem to have been inserted to pad it out, as they have no relevance to the rest of the movie! The deaths are pretty lackluster, though gory. I have to spoil at least one surprise; the kid gets his head cut off with a chainsaw! That scene always make me smile! You may be able to track down a used PAL DVD, but it is currently out of print here in North America. Recommended for MST3K fans.

MAYA

(Marcello Avallone, 1989)



Of the two horror movies Marcello Avallone directed, Maya and Specters, this is the strongest. Maya tells the tale of an ancient Mayan curse that causes the violent death of pretty much anyone unfortunate enough to encounter it. "Good" characters and "bad" characters are killed alike; this isn't your typical Italian horror movie.



The movie starts with a professor being murdered atop a Mayan temple, and gradually builds steam as the film progresses. It never stoops to exploitive violence, instead opting to take a more "restrained approach" (in that the murders are brutal and bloody, but are done in short bursts, so they don't detract from the story).



The rather basic plot is elevated to new heights thanks to some great special effects and very stylish camera work. The scale of the vision behind this could almost put it up there with Spider Labyrinth or The Beyond. Too bad he only made two. This title is particularly difficult to find. A used DVD (if you can find one!) won't be cheap. It is also very hard to find to download, but very much worth the effort.

GHOSTHOUSE aka La Casa 3

(Umberto Lenzi, 1988)



I first saw Ghosthouse when I was 9 years old, and it scared the crap out of my younger brothers and I. (Thank you, mom, for letting dad take care of us on the weekend!) While it doesn't stand up quite as well today, it's still highly entertaining schlock with some good grue, a high body count, and a vacant-eyed Lara Wendel.



Ghosthouse is about a fellow by the name of Paul, who records a frightening transmission while playing with his ham radio. *Mm Hmm* Using cutting-edge computer technology from 1988, Paul and his girlfriend Martha are able to pinpoint the source of the signal. *Uh Huh* This takes them to a creepy, abandoned old house in rural New England. There they meet a group of kids who are using the attic for their own radio. *Oh Really!* The only problem is that none of them sent the message, and the voices in the recording sound like one guy and his sister (and when he screams he SOUNDS like his sister!)



Once they get there, the chaos begins. It's a regular carnival funhouse with exploding lightbulbs, a head in the washer, a flame-belching furnace, blood-squirting taps, and the ghost of the little girl who died in the basement with her creepy clown doll. Did I mention her doll was creepy? It makes the one from Poltergeist look warm 'n snuggly! Despite the complete lack of budget, Ghosthouse is never a chore to sit through. Yes, the acting is uniformly bad, and the characters really don't seem to possess brains as they ALL find reasons to go back in the house. The special effects range from "really cheap" to "oh, that's clever!", and scenes seem to be lifted out of an assortment of 80's horror classics. I actually like the synth soundtrack; the only thing missing from the original CD was the creepy lullaby tune with the croaky voice (which is probably a good thing 'cause it was the voice that stuck with me through the night when I was 9.) All in all, Lenzi does manage to create a few truly creepy scenes, the opening to the film being especially memorable. Recommended.