ZOMBIE 5 / KILLING BIRDS

(Claudio Latanzi/ Joe D'Amato, 1987)

Wow. With those two titles, one would expect to see either zombie hordes or hordes of zombies killing birds, or at very least zombie-killing birds. We don't get any of the above, I'm afraid.

Prologue: A soldier returns home to find his wife with another man, so he kills them, his in-laws, and their pet bird, but spares his infant son. The other birds in the aviary freak out and claw out the fellow's eye. He goes to the hospital and his son is taken away.

Skip ahead to college life in 1987: pleated pants, frizzy hair, and prehistoric computers. And really cheesy music. A group of students and a school newspaper reporter (Lara Wendel) are sent to study the rare ivory-billed woodpeckers, most recently seen near an abandoned rural property.

They come across a house and find it's inhabited by a blind man (Robert Vaughn) who could only be the killer from the beginning. After a brief, pointless exchange of words, the crew explore the neighboring property, and stumble across the original murder house, now uninhabited. They also discover a corpse in an old truck in the bush, but rather than leave and alert the authorities, they decide to hole up in the house for the night...??? They're then picked off gradually by dark forces and a couple of not-so-realistic-looking zombies. That's about it.

Zombie 5 is actually a mislabeled cursed/haunted house movie. In that sense, it's not actually as awful as wold be expected. No...I lied. It IS pretty bad. The dialogue and acting are craptastic, the plot riddled with holes and cliches, and D'Amato even copied the attic death scene from his earlier film, Anthropophagus. For the most part, the cinematography is pretty dull, with the exception of the scenes shot in spoooooky soft-focus (that was sarcasm). To be fair, the shots and lighting do improve in the last third, but too little too late.

As in other films produced by D'Amato's Filmirage (Witchery, Troll 2, etc), there doesn't seem to have been any kind of budget for lighting as the first two-thirds were shot in daylight. The makeup and special effects leave something to be desired, as does the soundtrack by Carlo Maria Cordio and his cursed Casio. Save this one for later... much later.

RING OF DARKNESS aka Satan's Wife

(Pier Carpi, 1979)

If Blue Sunshine is the answer to "whatever happened to all those acid heads from the 60's?" then Ring of Darkness must be the answer to "whatever happened to those who dabbled in Satanism around the same time?"

The prologue opens cheesily enough with a ritualistic mating dance to some seriously wonky Stelvio Cipriani groove. It seems Satan was a softy for red spandex and modern jazz in the late 70's, but I digress. We then cut to present day, where former coven members are struggling to live like ordinary citizens. We learn that in exchange for bearing the offspring of Satan, these women have forsaken all human warmth. Carlotta (Anne Heywood) grows alarmed when her daughter Daria (Lara Wendel) exhibits signs that she may be aware of her own diabolical origins and begins lashing out at home and at school.

Daria's evil powers begin to manifest when Agatha's (Marisa Mell) daughter kills herself, and Daria's stepfather is killed in a plane crash. The coven soon find themselves outgunned by Daria and resort to desperate measures to keep her in check, but to no avail. Having offended the daughter of Satan (and Satan himself), they all become targets of her wrath. Can Daria be stopped? Can they ever?

Fans of Italian horror will have divided opinions of Ring of Darkness. My main concern was with the lack of blood and lack of action. This film almost plays more as a Satanic melodrama than a horror film, as it's not frightening in the least. Were there any less excitement, the film could very well put itself to sleep!

It's more driven by story than most films in its league, and is mildly captivating in that it's not badly written, and is carried by (relatively) strong performances by Anne Heywood, Marisa Mell, Irene Papas, Lara Wendell, and John Phillip Law. Yes, there's lots of familiar faces here! Ring of Darkness also features outstanding lighting and photography, the aforementioned Cipriani synthesizer soundtrack, and oodles of atmosphere. And a final showdown, in the nude, between Carlotta and Daria. Does that sell you? It's available on DVD thanks to MYA again, so enjoy!
Buy it here.

TENEBRE aka Unsane

(Dario Argento, 1982)

Oh, how does one review Tenebre and do it the justice it so very well deserves? Keep the words short and let the pictures do the talking!

American writer Peter Neal (Anthony Franciosa) is in Rome to promote his latest novel, Tenebre. An insane fan has begun killing off what he refers to as "perverts", "thieves", and "spies" in manners described in Tenebre, and soon threatens Neal himself. The police, as usual, are little help, so Peter, his agent Bullmer (John Saxon), secretary Anne (Daria Nicolodi), and his assistant Gianni take up an investigation of their own.

Sounds cute, right? Some consider this Argento's response to the American slasher film, which means it has some VERY gory set-pieces and still feels distinctly Italian. The story is quite clever, though some may feel that it takes too long to get through certain scenes, or that Dario injected too much humor into it. I am of the opinion that the slow pacing actually works, as it gives more impact to the rapid bursts of excessive violence.

Argento went in a new direction visually with Tenebre. It is a very bright film, with white or neutral interiors, wardrobes, and lighting...really just a big canvas onto which he splatters a lot of red! A very early 80s look.

Finally, about the soundtrack...Though it's not performed by the WHOLE Goblin lineup, I would have to say the Tenebre soundtrack is actually quite enjoyable in an early 80s drum-machine-and-vocoder kind of way. I actually bought it. SOOoo worth it. Ya, the movie's worth a watch too!

Buy It