RATS - NIGHT OF TERROR

(Bruno Mattei / Claudio Fragasso, 1984)

In the year 2015, the world is destroyed by nuclear bombs (it IS likely, haw!) and most humans now live underground. They are an advanced society, though they consider surface dwellers as savages and maintain no contact with them.

In the year 225 AB (After the Bomb, not Alberta) a ragtag group of futuristic bikers (and by futuristic, I mean devastatingly 80s) are in search of sanctuary. They hole up in an abandoned laboratory (complete with wall-sized computers and other scientific-looking bits), where they find food and water. Little do they know the surrounding area is swarming with intelligent (more so than the humans), carnivorous rats!

Crapmaster Mattei does it again, this time with the incredibly talented and underrated Claudio Fragasso *haw!*. He's churned out yet another racist, sexist, and generally z-grade George Romero knockoff, and boy is it entertaining. How do I even begin to tear this apart? Hell of the Living Dead (Night of the Zombies) was Mattei's answer to Dawn of the Dead, so Rats must surely be a ripoff of Night of the Living Dead, except with rats instead of zombies. Why else include scenes of pointless infighting and barricading of doors, not to mention the corpse "reanimated" by being filled up with rats?

Rats does feature gore and nudity, neither of which is terribly convincing. The rats appear to be thrown at the actors, with the exception of the one that crawls up a girl's hoo-hoo. Yup, that actually happens! Hilariously, one corpse literally explodes from the pressure of the rats built up inside. Again, this happens all the time. If anyone's to blame here, it's makeup artist Maurizio Trani, also of Troll 2 fame. But then again, what kind of makeup would one expect from a Trani? *haw haw*

The film's opening music is seriously grating, but the rest of the soundtrack is passable sci-fi bleeps and bloops. Storywise, there's nothing new to take away from Rats. Except the twist ending; it's a definite head-scratcher. At least Geretta Geretta's (Demons, Murder Rock) in this. Recommended only for heckling. Makes a great double feature along with Troll 2. Buy it here.

MURDER ROCK aka Dancing Death

(Lucio Fulci, 1984)

If there was any indication Fulci's career was on the downslide, this is it! The dance students at the Arts For Living center in New York are literally dying to get their shot at fame as one by one they are murdered by a hatpin-wielding psychopath.

Among the suspects, students aside, are recently-shafted dance instructor Margie (Geretta Geretta, of Demons fame), the overbearing directress Candice (Olga Karlatos), male model George (Ray Lovelock), and the usual seedy management and hangers-on. Did I mention that the murders are committed with a hatpin and chloroform? Seems a tad silly, but entertaining in its own right.

There's not a lot to the story, but it's an excellent excuse to show a lot of sweaty Flashdance-inspired grinding. Technically, there's not a lot wrong with Murder Rock. The camerawork and compositions are above-par, and there's some inventive lighting.

I was impressed that the actors actually did their own dancing. On the downside, the soundtrack by Keith Emerson is pretty hit and miss. It ranges from cringe-inducing 80's synthesizer cheese to all-out stomp-your-feet-style boogie! Alas, there's not a lot of blood, and the scenes with the hatpin aren't terribly convincing. I'd wait on this one until you've pored through Fulci's better efforts. Unless you like your cheese stinky. Buy it here.

DEMONS

(Lamberto Bava, 1985)

Classic!
A must-see for horror fans in general. Demons is a fast-paced, candy-colored nightmare with a good dose of action, cheese, and gore.

From a stranger in a mask Cheryl (Natasha Hovey) receives two tickets to the Metropol, a gloomy church-like movie theater with walled-off rooms and perpetually leaky ceilings. She and pal Kathy decide to be naughty and go, a decision they soon regret. In the lobby we are introduced to an odd assortment of characters. First there's George and Ken (who picks these names??), who hook up with Cheryl and Kathy. We also have a bickering middle-aged couple, a young couple who mostly make out (the female half being Fiore Argento), the usher (a grown-up Nicoletta Elmi), and a blind man and his unfaithful daughter. Plus fodder. Lots of fodder. There's also switchblade-wielding pimp Tony (Bobby Rhodes) and his two favorite gals, one of whom (Rosemary) is unfortunate enough to scratch her face while trying to scare her coworker with a silver demon mask in the lobby.

The audience settles in to watch the film - a horror film, surprisingly. In it a guy tries on a demon mask found in the grave of Nostradamus(?), then becomes possessed and starts killing off his friends. Rosemary freaks out about the similar cut on her face and runs to the bathroom to check it out. There we are treated to the sloppy, gruesome sight of a giant lump bursting out of her cheek. Tony gets worried when she doesn't come back, so he sends her friend to check on her. This is where it starts to get good. Long story short, the theater is soon overrun with demons, and all of the exits have been mysteriously walled-over. I won't give the rest away, as it only gets zanier and gorier as it progresses.

The combined effort of Lamberto Bava, Dario Argento, and Dardano Sacchetti produced something truly unique and special. True, the dialogue is horrible, but that's to be expected. Also true is the complete lack of realism, but I feel this adds to the funhouse feel of the film. Once the two hookers become demons, the action never lets up. Throats are ripped open, eyes are gouged, hair is ripped out. Towards the end the motorcycle and samurai sword from the lobby are put to good use in a sequence one must see to believe. And our protagonists are saved by a VERY unlikely event that will make you skip back just to verify that they actually put it in the film!

The Verdict

Cons:
Misplaced subplot concerning a bunch of cokeheads cruising in a stolen car
Far too many pointless random occurrences: the demon bursting out of someone's back, the walled-off room, the women all standing in a circle screaming, and the highly unlikely savior at the end

Pros:
Non-stop action and energy; extremely graphic latex effects (slightly dated, but still good)
Oodles of style - it's obvious Dario had a hand in the lighting and set design
Loads of blood and bile
A fun story that's clever at times and has sympathetic lead characters
Rockin' soundtrack and original score by Claudio Simonetti

Buy It!