MASSACRE

(Andrea Bianchi, 1989)



Alas, only two more Bianchi reviews and it's DONE! Can you tell I'm getting tired of scraping the bottom of this particular barrel? Massacre is another classy, quality production from the director of such cinematic greats as "Malabimba The Malicious Whore" and "Strip Nude For Your Killer". Okay, so it's a bit of a stretch to call this classy, quality, OR cinema.



The film starts, promisingly enough, with a hooker being decapitated on the side of the road. We then cut to a girl with monstrous eyebrows meandering through a graveyard at night. We learn, thanks to some cheap latex masks, that this is the old "movie-within-a-movie" gag, and the girl is our leading lady, Jennifer. We also learn that her eyebrows are actually real. The production, "Dirty Blood" appears to be a curious hodgepodge of horror elements with no real story. A commentary by Bianchi on the industry? Let's not go that far.



We are then introduced to the rest of the cast and crew. There's Robert, the abusive director, and the producer, Frank. There's also actors John (the pretty boy), Mira (the predatory lesbian), Adrian (the flaming-gay guy), Lisa (who is dating Robert and screwing John), and Gordon (owner of the worst 80s apparel imaginable). Oh yes, and Jennifer's policeman boyfriend, Walter. The cast are invited to a seance, a move that Frank feels will help move his film in a horrific new direction. In a seemingly pointless scene, an evil entity breaks away from the table and runs rampant. The cast and crew, predictably, start to disappear one by one (or two by two, as the ending dictates!)



If you've seen any of Andrea Bianchi's other work and weren't impressed, then steer clear of Massacre! All of the things that make his films so terrible (and so very wonderful!) are present, including his trademark use of the unsteady-cam. Viewers' senses will also be assaulted by a barrage of ugly actors (with the exception of Walter- woof!), naked women, and misogynistic violence. This time 'round we also get two homophobic stereotypes!



Frustrating to some will be the complete lack of logic within the film, from the characters' continuation with the production despite their dwindling numbers to the logic behind having a seance as a means of sparking creativity, an idea that leads to the filming of Adrian in drag as Liza Minelli. Horrific new direction, indeed!
Also amusing are the hastily-written subtitles, which provide a lot of unintentional laughs. For the duration of a scene, the actors refer to a "Jack", who comes up as "Rack" in the subs. I also laughed aloud when, whilst a hooker and a fat old man are making out in a car, the words "I know what you mean. I hope it doesnt take too long." come up on the screen even though no one is talking!



The music in this ranges from ear-splittingly bad 80s High NRG to some surprisingly creepy horror synth. The gore and special effects seem to have about the same range, varying between fake-looking rubber hands and properly-colored blood. I don't recommend you rush out and download this (there's no dvd yet), as it's really just another example of why and how the genre died out. MTR3K fans, however, will rejoice.

FRANKENSTEIN '80

(Mario Mancini, 1972)



Professor Schwartz has just perfected a serum that will significantly delay or even eradicate the rejection of transplanted organs. He keeps it in the fridge. The night before he is to perform a heart transplant on a young lady, the serum is stolen; as a result, she dies. Her brother, reporter Karl Schein, begins an investigation into the theft. A comparison of notes with the police tie the theft to a recent string of murders in which the victims have had internal organs removed. Strange, but it plays out more like a Jack The Ripper giallo than a Frankie flick to start.



Already known to the viewer is that Dr Otto Frankenstein is responsible for the missing organs and serum. His creation, Mosaic, requires regular transplants as his new organs are always rejected. Mosaic's brain is also in the process of decomposition, which results (apparently) in bursts of murderous rage directed mostly at strippers, hookers, and the homeless. Karl and the police are first led to Otto's niece Sonia (Dalila Di Lazzaro), then to Frankenstein himself.



Even with a reporter, the police, and the other doctors getting too close for comfort, Frankenstein continues to patch up his creation... only to have it turn on him and run amok for the last bit of the film! How's that for gratitude?



This is a tasty little nug, with gore aplenty and enough necrophilia to raise the dead (haw..get it? ya, I know...) In what other Frankenstein movie does the monster rape someone? Ok, I'm sure there are others, but...Don't even pretend to throw your hands up in horror! You should know how tasteful and subtle these films REALLY are! The cast, though woefully unattractive (with the exception of Ms Di Lazzaro, who was later cast in Flesh for Frankenstein and The Pyjama Girl Case), provide even acting throughout. Far from a perfect film, but it's already become another of my favorites. It's also easily obtained online, on Amazon anyway.



Buy It

A WHISPER IN THE DARK

(Marcello Aliprandi, 1976)



This beautifully shot film tells the tale of a Camilla, whose son Martino has an imaginary friend named Luca. What bothers her is that Luca was the name she gave to a child lost during pregnancy, and "Luca" seems rather protective of her. It's a rather basic premise that would be stretched to the point of tedium were it not for the moody soft-focus camerawork by Claudio Cirillo.



As a slightly dry ghost story, A Whisper In The Dark works. True, there are some rather cheesy and NOT frightening moments (the frog in the tub is a hoot!). On the other hand, a few scenes are tense or...haunting? The small noise made when Camilla and the nanny are home alone raised the hairs on the back of my neck! And somehow they managed to capture that empty, creepy feeling left behind after a great (and bizarre!) celebration.



The story may seem a bit simplistic, but upon closer inspection (with consideration paid to the symbolism) it takes on darker notes. It pretty much boils down to the fact that kids are creepy, and jealously possessive undead ones are worse! What I like most about this film is that we never actually see a ghost, and most of the bizarre occurrences can be rationalized.



This film won't be for everyone. As I previously mentioned, it is rather slow, with very little action. I believe all the action is pretty much captured in the screen shots posted here! There isn't a big payoff for the long wait, either. If you are, however, fond of dark, atmospheric mood-movies, then check it out. I don't believe it's been re-released yet, but used copies seem to be abundant on Amazon and Ebay.