ZOMBIE 5 / KILLING BIRDS

(Claudio Latanzi/ Joe D'Amato, 1987)

Wow. With those two titles, one would expect to see either zombie hordes or hordes of zombies killing birds, or at very least zombie-killing birds. We don't get any of the above, I'm afraid.

Prologue: A soldier returns home to find his wife with another man, so he kills them, his in-laws, and their pet bird, but spares his infant son. The other birds in the aviary freak out and claw out the fellow's eye. He goes to the hospital and his son is taken away.

Skip ahead to college life in 1987: pleated pants, frizzy hair, and prehistoric computers. And really cheesy music. A group of students and a school newspaper reporter (Lara Wendel) are sent to study the rare ivory-billed woodpeckers, most recently seen near an abandoned rural property.

They come across a house and find it's inhabited by a blind man (Robert Vaughn) who could only be the killer from the beginning. After a brief, pointless exchange of words, the crew explore the neighboring property, and stumble across the original murder house, now uninhabited. They also discover a corpse in an old truck in the bush, but rather than leave and alert the authorities, they decide to hole up in the house for the night...??? They're then picked off gradually by dark forces and a couple of not-so-realistic-looking zombies. That's about it.

Zombie 5 is actually a mislabeled cursed/haunted house movie. In that sense, it's not actually as awful as wold be expected. No...I lied. It IS pretty bad. The dialogue and acting are craptastic, the plot riddled with holes and cliches, and D'Amato even copied the attic death scene from his earlier film, Anthropophagus. For the most part, the cinematography is pretty dull, with the exception of the scenes shot in spoooooky soft-focus (that was sarcasm). To be fair, the shots and lighting do improve in the last third, but too little too late.

As in other films produced by D'Amato's Filmirage (Witchery, Troll 2, etc), there doesn't seem to have been any kind of budget for lighting as the first two-thirds were shot in daylight. The makeup and special effects leave something to be desired, as does the soundtrack by Carlo Maria Cordio and his cursed Casio. Save this one for later... much later.

YOUR VICE IS A LOCKED ROOM AND ONLY I HAVE THE KEY

(Sergio Martino, 1972)

Titled after a quote from one of his own thrillers, YVIALRAOIHTK is Sergio Martino's giallo take on Poe's "The Black Cat". Abused housewife Irene Ruvigni(Anita Strindberg) is routinely tormented by her alcoholic husband, hasbeen writer Oliviero (Luigi Pistilli), and his ironically-named black cat, Satan. When Oliviero's mistress is found slashed to death, he becomes the primary suspect.

Shortly thereafter, the Ruvignis discover the bloody corpse of their maid in the villa. Afraid to contact the police, they opt to wall-up the body. To further complicate matters, their cousin Floriana (Edwidge Fenech) invites herself to stay with them. Before long, Floriana's true intentions become clearer as she manipulates Oliviero and Irene. Meanwhile, the bodies continue to pile up...

YVIALRAOIHTK (phew!) is just as stylish and erotic as the rest of Martino's gialli, and has a cast of genre greats. It's a beautiful film to watch, and really showcases Martino's trademark look, from the minimal lighting to the voyeuristic compositions and POV shots. There's so many of the leering POV's that one never knows whether the killer's present or we're just allowed to peep in on the sordid goings-on.

There's a fair amount of gore, as would be expected, but it comes secondary to the story. There's more character development, irony, and metaphor in this film than most gialli, and consequently it seems to run on a bit too long. The soundtrack by Bruno Nicolai is also slow and dreamy, so I'd advise viewers to watch this only if wide awake, which shouldn't be too difficult considering the amount of nudity and lesbianism YVIALRAOIHTK also features. Recommended.

BLUE EYES OF THE BROKEN DOLL

(Carlos Aured, 1973)

Ok, Ok, so this giallo is actually Spanish, but it deserves a review of it's own as it's one of the few decent Spanish thrillers made in the wake of the genre's popularity, and it does contain all the essential giallo elements.

Gilles (Paul Naschy), a recently released ex-convict who dreams of murder, finds work as a caretaker for three beautiful, but unusal, sisters at their isolated home in the French countryside. And unusual they are. Claude, the makeshift head of the house, conceals a deformed hand. Nicole, the seemingly normal one, is actually an affection-starved nymphomaniac (poor Gilles!). Then there's wheelchair-bound Ivette, whose condition may only be in her head. Shortly after Gilles' arrival, a maniac in the traditional black attire begins murdering the local blonde women, and removing their blue eyes as a keepsake. Naturally, Gilles is the primary suspect, though there's more than a few others who are equally capable of such horrific acts.

This film does have it's share of detriments, namely the pacing and some of the music. There's no killing until the second half of the film, and the first half is little more than sex, knife fights, and other filler. These might have been made a bit more suspenseful or meaningful had the music been more appropriate, but alas, it's far too jolly for far too long. It reminded me of the same tune used in The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra; hardly frightening.

Come the second half, the patient viewer will be rewarded with the long-awaited bloody horror. The glaringly bright lighting grows dimmer, the camera angles become more skewed, and the music turns into the most sinister version of "Frere Jacques" one will ever hear! Oh yes, there's also a disturbing sequence in which a pig is slaughtered.

As previously stated, BEOTBD has all the trademark giallo elements: black leather gloves, groovy music, eroticism (though I could have done without seeing Naschy's spare tire and perky man-boobs), bright red gore, sadistic dream sequences, and a far-fetched (even for giallo) reveal at the end. I'd have to recommend it, Italian or not, if only for it's weird quotient.