(Claudio Fuckin' Fragasso, 1989)
Dear God: Why hast thou forsaken me? Why did you ever allow Claudio Fragasso to make movies? And are they really movies? Granted, Troll 2 is one of the most brilliant films ever made, but for every Troll 2 there's a Shocking Dark, a Beyond Darkness, and a handful of collaborations with Bruno Mattei.
Zombie 4 opens promisingly enough with a Demons-inspired massacre, but immediately turns to shit when we learn that there will be no more demonic shenanigans; just a bunch of terrible actors (including gay porn star Jeff Stryker) duking it out with some questionable-looking zombies on a cursed island.
Hate to break it to you, but that's about all you need to know about this corny cheese and beer-fart-fest. Zombie (and Zombi!) movies were tired (or dead, if you will) by the late 80's, so it's a wonder Fragasso got ANYone to fund this turd trek. And it doesn't even have proper zombies; just a bunch of pasty ghouls in matching rags outrunning, out-jumping, out-gunning, and generally outsmarting our helpless fodder. I guess you could say the plethora of continuity errors work in the undead's favor!
Plus they have their own fog machine and backlighting, and seem to know they are being filmed as they have an annoying habit of looking directly into the camera. Zombie 4's one saving grace is that it IS gory, and excessively so. Shame it's such a chore waiting for the good stuff! And sorry, boys, Stryker doesn't get nekkid, though he does get a fist through the chest! Only for the morbidly curious. And bi-curious (I'm lookin' at YOU, Fragasso, you bastard!) Buy it here.
1 month ago