Tuesday, December 21, 2010

ZOMBI 3

(started by Lucio Fulci, finished by Bruno Mattei...dear gawd...1988)
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A warning to the viewer: if you wish to kill yourself in a slow, agonizing manner, purchase Zombi 3 here. I thought I'd give you a heads-up just in case I don't survive the review. Oh yeah, it's another survivors and scientists versus zombies and the military movie. Like we needed another.
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2:20 PM
So here it is; the film that broke Fulci's spirit. You know a product is rotten if Fulci wouldn't even complete it. They had to bring in Bruno Mattei to finish it. Oh yes, and it's written by CLAUDIO FRAGASSO, creator of such cinematic abortions as Troll 2. Someone please stop me.
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2:40 PM
I've delayed as long as I can. I'm going to brave Zombi 3 a second time so I can get some screenshots. Dear God, please help me. Really...I'm crying out for help, but no one's listening! Alright, I'm doing it then. Fine. I'm really going to do it. This may well be the end of me.
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4:00 PM
I did it. I acshuly watched it again, and madeit out with minml brain dmg. What a horribleugly movie. Makes no senses. How didthe zombie head fly out of the fridge and why is everything soft-focusss?? It stars Deran Serafian and Beatrice ring Deranserafian n Betricering?whydoes theasian djsound like hesblack?
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4:30 PM
notsure what happind the last 30mins i dont remember anythig...ZOMBI3!!!OHGOD I remembernow, plez go away...the acting! the dialogues n...owwww THE MUSIC pleasestopthemusic...zombie birds???
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7:00 PM
i raped my headwith a towl now my ears r bleading and all I can here is stefano mainetti andhis cursed casio im goig tocallthe hospitl fragassoYOU BASTARDWHATDID U DO TOM E?
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1:00 AM
woke up inapuddle of brains npiss bythe fone n my hed hurts youbastards i WANtmy head back
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12:30 PM
Am going to kill the roommate for putting acid in my protein shake again. Now what was this all about?

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