PATRICK VIVE ANCORA aka Patrick Still Lives

(Mario Landi, 1980)

What do you get when you blend Aussie horror flick Patrick, Bianchi's Burial Ground, and D'Amato's Anthropophagus? Patrick Still Lives! If guilty pleasures were measured in calories, this delicious dish would cause multiple heart attacks in just one viewing. Let's start with the story. Professor Herschell and his son Patrick are stranded on the road. A passing motorist throws a bottle out the window, striking Patrick on the head. He survives, though now comatose. Some time after that (we're never told exactly how long) Prof. Herschell invites a group of sleazy guests to stay at his villa/ laboratory. Yes, it's the SAME villa (and setup) that was used in Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror (and I'm sure Mariangela Giordano must have been squatting in it because she appears in this movie as well!) The Professor keeps Patrick mentally wired to three other patients, apparently allowing him to focus his telepathic abilities. After more than a few raunchy episodes, each of the guests are bumped off, each death nastier and more graphic than the last. So, what are Patrick's powers? In addition to being able to physically manipulate objects, he can project a glowing green pair of eyes, control animals, boil water, hypnotize others, and create smoke and light displays.

PC and feminist viewers should definitely stay away from this! There is ABUNDANT nudity, male and female frontal alike, and ALL of the women in the cast get naked at some point...and usually die naked, with the camera lingering inappropriately on their blood-spattered vaginae and breasts. The level of misogyny in this film is staggering, featuring no less than 5 female slaps (in all fairness, one of them slaps back- ah, social progress in early 80s Italy!) The female cast are incredibly one-dimensional as a whole, whose only purpose seems to be to get drunk, act slutty, get beaten, and eventually die drawn-out, mean-spirited deaths.

But that's what's so much fun about it- you can make a drinking game to this! Have a shot whenever there's breasts! Have another when someone gets slapped! Have another when someone's BREASTS get slapped! Ok, that doesn't actually happen. Even if you aren't in the drinking mood, this movie provides lots of laughs. The storyline is ridiculous, the characters INCREDIBLY stupid, and the "script" unbelievable. The soundtrack by Berto Pisano is actually appropriate, sort of a blend of Goblin-style prog and 50's moon music (oooOO-EEEEEEE-OOooooo). There are no English dubs of this film (fortunately- one can only imagine!). It is in Italian with subtitles only. Recommended for viewing in the tub, as most will feel really dirty after.

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INFERNO

(Dario Argento, 1980)

Inferno, the second installment in the Three sisters trilogy, is one of Dario Argento's most unique and hallucinatory films. It somehow manages to out-weird Suspiria despite the usual budgetary restraints. The oversaturated color scheme from Suspiria is let loose here, and bright red, blue, and magenta light provide some very appealing visuals. Keith Emersons soundtrack, with its brooding piano and orchestral cues, is a treat for the ears. Especially jarring is the wacky synth tune playing while Sara is in the cab.

As with Suspiria, and really any Argento film, the story comes second to the visuals. In this instance, the story is VERY loosely patched together. I actually had to watch it three times before I could figure out just what was going on! Inferno is about a music student named Mark, who travels to New York to find his sister Rose after she goes missing. Rose had discovered that the apartment she lived in was home to a powerful witch, the Mother of Shadows.

I don't want to tell you the entire story, as I would prefer that anyone who hasn't seen Inferno should just do so. There are so many twists and turns and random instances in this movie that it truly does play out like a nightmare on film. It's as if Dario decided to throw logic out the window altogether here, and it works in his favor. There are some extremely gory set-pieces, and if one simply stops trying to make sense of it and goes along for the ride, it is quite a delightful experience.

The only downside to Inferno is the atrocious dubbing (which we've come to expect), the bad acting (Irene Miracle looks distant and awkward in most of her scenes), and a few cheesy gore effects. Some might also moan about the scene with a mouse being eaten by a cat, but I would be more concerned about the treatment the CATS were getting! Mario Bava helped with some of the visual effects, including the unforgettable and mind-boggling underwater room scene. I should also mention that this features the lovely Daria Nicolodi, Scream Queen of Italy! Ten out of Ten!

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