RAT MAN (Giuliano Carnimeo, 1988)

Dr Olman has, for God knows what reason, created an extremely deadly humanoid rat-monkey hybrid in his Caribbean laboratory. The night before he is to transport the Rat Man to a genetics conference, it escapes from it's flimsy wire cage. On another part of the island, photographer Mark, models Marilyn and Peggy, and Mark's assitant Monique are working on a sexy sun 'n surf photoshoot, when they stumble across some pulpy human remains. Rather than do the logical thing and alert the authorities, they wave it off as Peggy is leaving for New York the following morning, and the others want to find a more suitable location for the next shoot. Excellent excuse for not reporting a homicide, especially when the killer is probably still in the area. Anyway.

That night, Peggy borrows Marilyn's purse and goes to a party. On her way home, she is followed by a knife-wielding homeless person, so she hides in a closet in an abandoned building, where she encounters... the Rat Man! Needless to say, this doesn't bode well for her. The following morning, Mark, Marilyn, and Monique set off for the jungle, unaware that Peggy is dead, and they are being trailed by not only the Rat Man, but his creators, as well as Marilyn's sister Terry, who was erroneously informed of her sister's death because of the purse mixup, and mystery novel writer Fred Williams, who met Terry in a taxi mixup.

To sum things up here: Tits, Ass, Blood. A good portion of the film is spent ogling Eva Grimaldi's ample assets, not that that's a bad thing. Don't expect much storywise, as Rat Man is tasteless tripe, a mere excuse for the sexy goings-on. The writing is definitely on the lazy side, as aspects of Tenebre and Zombie are inserted throughout. Though the premise, as well as the characters' motives for their brainless actions, are laughable, Rat Man is up there on the creepy scale. That little creature is seriously unnerving, moreso because we rarely catch more than a glimpse of it's paws, shadow, or beady little eyes, or hear it squealing. Even in full light, it's hideous. The way it scuttles up curtains, burrows through walls, and hides in shadowy crevices elevate Rat Man from hilariously cheesy B-movie status to hilariously creepy B-movie status. Recommended for lazy Sunday afternoon viewing, or if one has already burnt through the hundreds of better titles that Italian horror has to offer.

THE BLACK CAT

(Lucio Fulci, 1981)

A viciously clever black cat is stalking and killing the residents of a small English town. The deaths appear to be accidental, so no further investigation is undertaken. While taking pictures of a crypt in an old graveyard, photographer Jill Trevers (Mimsey Farmer) discovers the head of a microphone, which leads her to the local psychic, Robert Miles (Patrick Magee), who used it to record his conversations with the dead. Jill learns that the old man is routinely tormented by the black cat, and witnesses such an attack.

When Jill is called in by inspector Gorley (David Warbek) to photograph the recently deceased town drunk, she spots scratch marks on the corpse's hand and puts two and two together. But as Jill and the inspector get closer to a truth far stranger than might have been predicted, they find themselves the targets of the diabolical feline.

The Black Cat was clearly a break from Fulci's prior gore-soaked zombie epics. I can only assume he wanted to make a classier, more suspenseful film as opposed to the exploitive, violent films he was known for, which surely alienated a number of his fans. There's little blood, no regurgitated innards, no eye trauma, and the Pino Donaggio score is much lighter than the electronic soundtracks in previous efforts. The slow pacing and hypnotic zoom and cat's POV shots do give it a dreamy, atmospheric edge, but the cheap special effects and thoroughly nonsensical actions on behalf of most of the characters do detract from this. It's worth a gander, but don't expect all-out Fulci carnage. Buy it here.

THE BEYOND aka Seven Doors of Death

(Lucio Fulci, 1981)

In 1927, a warlock is brutally beaten, burnt, and crucified in the basement of a Louisiana hotel. His assailants wall-up the corpse, and the hotel is eventually abandoned. 54 years later, the now moldering and partially flooded hotel is inherited by Liza Merril (Catriona MacColl), who plans to renovate and reopen it with the assistance of Arthur and Martha, two nervous, secretive cleaners who "came with the hotel".

From the getgo, the place is plagued by mysterious goings-on. When a painter falls to his death after glimpsing a pair of cataracted eyes through a window, Dr John McCabe (David Warbeck) is brought to the residence. Shortly thereafter, whilst inspecting a source of leakage in the basement, the plummer, Joe, chisels through the bricked-over tomb and unwittingly opens one of the seven gateways to Hell.

It's all downhill from this point, as basically all of the characters earlier introduced meet their gory, supernatural demise. The dead rise, eyeballs are gouged and popped out, faces are eaten by acid and tarantulas, windows implode with devastating consequences, and one unfortunate soul (in a scene "borrowed" from Suspria) is mauled by her own dog.

The Beyond is a strong contender for best horror film by Fulci. As in much of his earlier work, the story is second to the imagery. Lucio definitely had the ability to convey the essence of nightmares to film, and The Beyond is an excellent example. His use of shadows and stark lighting create some truly heavy atmosphere, and the score by Fabio Frizzi adds an almost hypnotic effect to match the dreadfully slow camerawork.

The Beyond is also a surprisingly beautiful film, a visual feast if you will. It contains some oddly poetic scenes, and even the goriest of them tell of a bit of artistic talent on Fulci's behalf. Furthermore, the story, at first seeming as convoluted and nonsensical as any Italian horror film, is actually quite substantial. What may be frustrating to the average viewer is that one is not HIT OVER THE HEAD with the plot. Some things are left to the viewer to piece together.

We are never actually told that Martha, Arthur, and Joe intend to open the gateway, yet Martha and Arthur came with the house, and Martha and Joe have some secret relationship. It doesn't even surprise Martha when she finds Joe dead shortly after the opening of the gate! I won't give away the ending, but it too makes sense after one recalls that the blind girl Emily's house always appears the same to her, despite looking abandoned to John when he visits.

Finally, there's the REAL reason people watch Fulci flicks: the gore! And the maestro does not disappoint here. As earlier promised, there's a double-dose of eyeball trauma, shards of glass in a face, another face hilariously torn apart by squealing tarantulas (!), a head half blown-off, and so much more. So much more that I won't deprive you of the pleasure (and hopefully shock) of watching it all by yourself. Buy it here.

FORMULA FOR A MURDER

(Alberto De Martino, 1985)



I present to you here one of the giallo's last dying gasps. The genre's popularity had dwindled by the early 80s, and only a handful of these films were produced over the decade. Formula For A Murder is one of the better.



As a child, Joanna (Christina Nagy) was sexually assaulted by a man disguised as a priest, an incident that left her paralyzed below the waist and terrified of clergymen. She is now grown up and rather well-to-do, and has put most of her riches into a rehabilitation facility to help those like herself. There she falls for semi-suave coach Graig (David Warbeck), who promptly proposes to her to the supposed chagrin of her friend Ruth.



Graig, we soon learn, has an ulterior motive for marrying Joanna. He and Ruth plan to frighten her to death and collect her fortune. The means? By dressing as a priest and tormenting Joanna with a bloody doll similar to the one with which the false priest had lured her. Joanna, however, proves much more resilient than the two initially suspected.



I won't give away the ending here, as it's one of the few 80's gialli I might recommend for home viewing. Once again, director Alberto De Martino proves he's more than capable of delivering a film loaded with menace, style, and action. His extreme camera angles and occasional use of the fisheye lens coupled with the nursery rhyme-like synth soundtrack make for some memorable scenes. Add in some gory deaths by straight razor and shovel and a theophobic theme, and you have another hidden gem. It also features a tense chase scene in which Joanna, having hobbled her assailant, is pursued through her house at a speed that can only be described as nightmare-slow. Worth checking out, though you will have to order a burnt copy or download it as there is no official release to date.